Why it is more Important to be Kind than to be Right

Most people believe "honesty is the best policy", which I agree with. Some people, however, use sensitive information about others in a hurtful way. By bringing up the subject in front of other people, for example, which is humiliating. Then if the person complains about it, insult is added to injury by saying they were just being honest!  If you really care for people, you don't do that.

There are kinder ways to give pointers to someone and remain truthful. Pause before responding. Think about how you can say something in a way that respects the other person's feelings. Some people are more sensitive than others. It is easier to communicate face to face where body language can be read. How many relationships are ruined by texting in anger and haste, where messages are often misunderstood? If you have to rely on emails or texts, at least take the time to clarify meaning.  

Then there are the soapbox people that have to rant and voice their opinion as if they were the only ones in the right. Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, just don't expect everyone to agree with you. Publicly humiliating someone, on social media for example, even when you feel wronged, is never OK. Then blocking the person, so they don't have a chance to defend themselves, is just plain nasty! 

It all comes down to being respectful and having good manners. I was sometimes guilty of foot-in-the-mouth disease in the past because I wanted to be honest. I have learned to keep my mouth shut if the issue is not important or if expressing my views is a waste of time.

I once read that you should treat family, loved ones, like company. Often we treat those closest to us poorly, with unkind remarks, because we think we can get away with it. Even if someone is rude to you, rise above it, don't take it personally and choose to be kind! Sometimes the best thing is to do is say nothing at all, just listen.

I wrote this originally 6 years ago. Listening to the news and what is going in the world, division, hatred, this blog is more timely than ever. Looking for the best in people is always good advise. Take care of yourselves friends.

What Makes a Good Friendship?

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I want to start off with stating what is not a healthy friendship. Some people drain the lifeblood out of you, They are always negative. Their story is the worst one ever, and your problems can not possibly compete with their's. They will monopolize the conversation and not really listen to anything you have to say. They have an addiction to sympathy and a "poor me" way of thinking. Basically, these people are self-absorbed and have nothing to give. You begin to feel that the relationship is one-sided. Okay, everyone has some baggage, unresolved issues, but if there is no effort for self-improvement, these people remain stuck. Their misery will start to effect your personal happiness. I call these people "takers".

Another type of person to avoid are the well meaning people who want to make you their make-over project. I call them "control-freaks".They say they have your best interests at heart, give you helpful criticism to "expand your horizons" and lend advice you did not ask for. They pretty much think they are smarter than you and have all the answers. In reality, their own lives are a mess and it makes them feel better try to fix yours, because you are much worse off than they are. (sarcasm) In this "friendship" you always feel like you aren't good enough, that you can never live up to that person's expectations.

What will ultimately kill any friendship? Jealousy! No one can be a true friend if they are not happy for you and your accomplishments. Feeling superior to you keeps everything just perfect from their point of view. They are often the type that confide their problems to you in hopes that you will reciprocate.This personal information about you becomes juicy gossip they can pass on to their other friends. This makes them feel important, having the latest info to thoroughly make you look bad when given the opportunity. Of course they are free to embellish or even invent a story just to be the center of attention.Trust is big component to a friendship and once breached, can not be easily regained.

With that said, the chances of finding true friends appears bleak. Once found, however, friends are precious gems to be nurtured and cherished. The people in my life I consider good friends have become lifelong relationships and are not superficial. Age, distance, cultural background, race, gender, occupation, education and economic status, do not present a barrier. Even after a long period of no contact, that person still has a place in my heart.

Thank you to all who have been supportive of me during the difficult times of my life. I tend to be oversensitive, but I realize now it is part of who I am. It takes time for me to get over feeling wounded by people that are critical of me. Hence my absence from social media at times and withdrawing into my own little world. 2020 has taught me to be more grateful for what I have, especially friends and family.

So many people are satisfied with their own little cliques and do not allow new people in. They are afraid to lose their position of influence (power) and do not like change. Being open to new relationships keeps life exciting. Everyone has some knowledge, insight to offer. A friend is not a clone, mini-me. It is an individual that has their own opinions. Friends respect differences and accept you the way you are. I like to say I am a work in progress and I try not to judge others where they are at in their journey. However, feelings need to be mutual. You can't make someone like you and not everyone will want to be your friend. Move on, there is a whole world of people out there!