Something happened to me and a fellow colleague while I was a teacher, which forever changed my perspective on the importance of remembering someone’s name and addressing them by it.
Jerry and I were friends, acquaintances, at school. (Not his real name to protect his identity) He taught a core subject, whereas I taught an option. We shared the same staff room due to my classroom’s proximity to it. Our school was a composite high school, which served over 2000 students. It was physically huge, with a separate staff room at the other end of it.
I got along particularly well with the male staff because I was much younger than most of them and one of the few women. The fact that I would bring leftover pies and cakes to the staff room probably had more to do with my popularity.
Jerry was a nice man who had a great sense of humour. He got on well with others and made a good impression. We had some older male teachers who appeared to be biding their time until retirement. They didn’t even bother getting to know the students names and probably picked their grades out of a hat.
Jerry was different, he genuinely liked his job, teaching teens, and put an effort into his programming. I must have been away on maternity leave ( 9 months) when tragedy struck Jerry. His wife, the mother of his children and love of his life, passed away from cancer.
When I returned from maternity leave, I was shocked when I saw the change in Jerry. He had lost weight, appeared to be a nervous wreck, was no longer friendly and dressed strangely. I found out from another colleague Jerry’s wife had died.
It didn’t take long before the students started to disrespect him and Jerry began to have discipline problems in his classes. If there is one thing many administrators hate to do, is their job, supporting their teachers when they need help. Of course, it isn’t easy to get rid of a teacher who has taught several years and has a permanent contract.
Sadly, I observed the methods administrators use to do just that, They loaded Jerry up with all the hard to teach students. The courses where students will not be going to university, just biding their time to graduate or get into a trade school. Most of these students are nice, but the bullies tend to rule the classroom by intimidation. You spend more time trying to get them to be quiet than time spent teaching. (A good reason to homeschool your children) .
Jerry got to the point where you could see he was about to lose it. He began to smell, wear dirty clothes which were sometimes inside out. The ridicule from the students must have been horrendous. No one stepped in to help Jerry. Colleges either were brushed off by Jerry, who obviously was angry, or they ignored what was happening. Unfortunately, I had my own problems with the administration and Jerry didn’t want help from anyone.
Jerry resigned at the end of the semester. A once revered educator, an asset to the system, treated worse than a dog. It was heartbreaking how cruel the school administration could be,
I ran into Jerry grocery shopping and greeted him with a big smile and said “Hi there”. (A common salutation) I was taken aback by the look of hatred on Jerry’s face when he shouted at me “My name is not Hi There, it is Jerry!” I could have crawled under the nearest shelf.
This is why I try to address people by name, when possible. I use tricks to help me remember them. I had a lot of practice being a teacher myself. I also try to get the name pronouns and pronunciation correct. With a birth name l like Waltraud, I get it. Little did I know that in a few short years the same tactics would be employed on me.
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